Friday, December 16, 2011

Aliens Among Us

The illegal aliens are everywhere and they all look the same with their abundant hair and grey-violet eyes. Their skin is shiny, greasy even. I find them disgusting. Just look at how they walk with that little bounce. And talk, blah, blah, blah, zzzzhrg. Everything with that zzzzhrg from zzzzhrg-ville. They steal our jobs, being able to lift 150 pounds at least, even the skinny ones. And seduce our teenagers with their drug music, which is beyond the pale. Who knows what their babies will look like, half-human, half bouncy walk. We'll find out soon enough.

Just the other day I was sitting in my favorite cafe when one of them walked in, holding her illegal alien brat. It had snot running out of its nose and wet yellowish stuff dripping from its grey eyes. They don't believe in wiping anything! The gall, coming into my cafe. They should know where not to go, you know? Well, if you say anything, the "Let's All Get Along" police will slap you with a fine. But that doesn't mean you can't give a look. I gave her a look alright.

Then her kid toddles over and she's smiling at me like "Isn't it cute" and I should go all gramma over it, cootchy-coo. I just pull my paper up so I can't see her or the kid and start reading about zhald, which is that alien spice we all like so much. Makes everything taste great, good for the heart too. Why we can't just import that zhald and trade them our old tires and leave it at that I don't know. Why can't they stay on their planet or over in Utah where they landed?

That kid comes up real close, under the table, and starts pulling at my pant leg, wiping its germy little hands on me. Who knows what diseases it's carrying. I don't buy that "successful quarantine" promise one bit. So I give it a sharp kick, not obvious, just turn my toe into it, somewhere soft, and I'm wearing narrow leather shoes with a pointed toe. It makes a quiet little yelp and crawls back to its mommy. Imagine letting your kid roam all over a restaurant, bothering folks who just want their latte and the morning paper, no interruptions, thank you.