Monday, March 23, 2009

The Wife Who Had Them All

She was the ugliest of all the wives, and the fattest. Her hair was lank and greasy; her buttocks large and her belly hung in two folds. She never smiled. She hated them all. Yet, like all the others, she was married when of age to a husband who she shared with at least three and soon more, other wives. She hated them all.

Her husband took his time coming to her. He made jokes in front of the other men that it would take a mighty push from the Lord before he'd want to do his duty by #4 (she was his fourth wife). On her wedding night, the other wives insisted she bathe and they dressed her hair properly but the husband didn't visit. He claimed a head ache. She was glad for the delay.

Most days she did her chores, didn't smile, and had lots of time to herself. The other wives thought she was strange and hushed if she walked into the kitchen where they chatted and baked. She took care of the animals. She liked working outdoors and she liked the animals.

But eventually the time did come when her husband decided to assert who was who in the family. He had his rights and after a few stiff drinks, told her to go to bed and he would be there soon. She had no idea about her special talent until afterwards, when her husband kept muttering "Hot damn, hot damn!"

Soon, she was the only wife he would visit and this got her to thinking and so her plan was formed.

Night after night, their bed shook and her husband experienced throes of pleasure. She pretty much just had to lie there, so extraordinary were her talents. The other wives were jealous of all the compliments and innuendos the husband sent her way, so soon the word got out that she was a slut at best but more likely a monster. The other husbands became interested so to keep the peace at the compound, she was married to first one man and then another. Because her duties were so time-consuming, she no longer had to do chores, and breakfast was brought to her in bed. Soon all her meals were brought to her, as commanded by the husbands, and she was placed in the best house.

The other wives were astounded at these developments. Wasn't she the fat and ugly one who smelled bad? Whose hair was lank and greasy? Perhaps the men liked her extra folds of skin. Perhaps they enjoyed her musky smell. The other wives began to eat lard by the spoonful. They stopped bathing. They didn't dress their hair properly.

Tales of her special talents spread far and wide. Their compound became renowned with others from their sect. Trade was up. The husbands lavished her with cash and jewelry to try and jump their spots in the queue. Every night was assigned to a different husband, sometimes two. All she wanted was a hot bath, and a soothing scalp rub and thorough brushing. Virgins from the compound were assigned to bathe her and dress her hair. The vigorous nightly exercise slimmed and toned her figure. Her hair was lustrous and long; her skin soft and glowing from the ministrations of the virgins.

The other wives, determined to win back their shared husbands, grew steadily larger on diets of lard and corn syrup. Yet still the husbands ignored them, ordered them around as always but granted no more favors. Fed-up at last, and tired of feeling bloated and greasy, the other wives left the compound to return to their jobs in little towns all over the country. They took the children, the quilts and all the other comforts that made a house a home but the husbands didn't even notice.

The husbands drank and played cards, threw pocket knives into the dirt and spat as they waited their turns with her. The compound buildings fell to ruin, the animals starved and scattered. When the night finally came where she could prove her monthlies, the husbands agreed to give her some time off...just until the blood flow stopped. She waited until 4 a.m. to escape with a duffel bag full of jewelry and cash. She hitched a ride to Reno, where she bought a nice house and found a job dealing cards to old folks from California.

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